Barbie Tales
by Lisa Barker

When my toddler walks by with a naked Barbie doll, her hair drenched and dripping, I know Barbie has been skinny-dipping in the toilet. Call it a mother's instinct. No matter what the circumstances are, moms have a way of putting two and two together and coming up with the exact scenario.

Too bad I'm not psychic. Think of all the horrors I could save Barbie from.

Like that time she and her friends had been decapitated and Mom had to discern which head belonged to which doll. What is it with boys and decapitation? My girls look at a Barbie and they see a mother, a teacher, a nurse or some other role they would like to play. My sons look at a Barbie and they see an opportunity to pull somebody's legs, arms and head off and hide them in various places around the house. Is this early serial killer play?

I hope not.

Still, I can imagine that Barbie and her friends are terrified of being discovered by one of the boys. Who knows when the dolls will be jammed into a too-small car, wearing only a knotted scarf and a single red boot, and sent hurtling down the hallway where they will smash headlong into the wall? No crash dummy ever had it so rough.

But this doesn't just happen in my house. A friend of mine described a day when she was cleaning her home in the anticipation of company and at the last moment found Barbie and several of her friends, naked and dangling helplessly in the Ficus tree.

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